nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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