Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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