How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
