Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Mom said you looked used
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
