Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
