I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
A+ Viking dick
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