i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
