no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
