Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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