life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
