He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
