yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
