Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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