I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
