I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
