It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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