My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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