So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
