Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
