Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My penis needs a shock collar
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
