dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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