Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
