Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
