after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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