I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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