be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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