I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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