If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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