I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Randomize
