My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
