I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
