What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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