You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
