fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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