Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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