It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
