you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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