I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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