Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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