Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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