the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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