omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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