I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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