careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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