the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This is the high leading the old right now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
