yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
