Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
