I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
