I wish life had little blips of pornography
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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