Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
