1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
