the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
