the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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