Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
