id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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