you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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