HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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