spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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