i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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