And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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