I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Randomize
