Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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