i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
