Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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