chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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