i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize