if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
