you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
