Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
