How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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