omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I want her autograph on my taint
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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